My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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