I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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