She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i drank out of a bidet.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
