did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We need to rekindle our bromance
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
