im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
