cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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