went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
