too bad you live with your parents still
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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