I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize