remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
