sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
