some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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