...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
