i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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