I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dicks are not precious.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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