she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
