So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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