so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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