do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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