He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
