I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Randomize
