You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
