I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
