before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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