just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
