if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
