all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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