I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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