my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she looked like the before picture.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
