Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
