Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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