I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
