he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
wow bdsm is so cute
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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