Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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