If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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