Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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