I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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