Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
