I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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