glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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