Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
