Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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