He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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