you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i will never coherently bang her
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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