Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
