I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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