I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
