found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
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he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
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crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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