My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
