She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
3pm strippers are depressing
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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