What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
