So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
