I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
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This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
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hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
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