I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
