while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize