he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
