im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
