Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I think I just sharted jello shots
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
