i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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