I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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