i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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