I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
