I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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