Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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