Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
