The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
