I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize