You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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