I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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