Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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