yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
