dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
